Where to start, when you don't know where to start.

There are dozens of programs that might help you. The hard part isn't usually qualifying, it's finding out they exist. This is the map.

First, find out: Medicare or Medicaid?

These two sound alike but are very different programs, and the difference matters a great deal for what kind of help is available to you. Medicare is federal health insurance for people 65 and older (and some younger adults with disabilities). Medicaid is a joint federal-state program based on income, and it's where nearly all the family-caregiver-pay programs, respite funding, and long-term home care actually live. If your loved one has only Medicare, your options are narrower. Having both Medicare and Medicaid is called "dual eligible", and is often the most useful situation to be in.

One thing to do today: ask the person you're caring for which government health insurance they have. Most people aren't sure, and many will answer "Medicare" when they actually have both. The cards look different. Medicaid cards usually carry your state's name on them. If they aren't sure, the Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116) can help confirm, free.

Start with the four big buckets

Almost every form of help for caregivers falls into one of these:

1. Medicaid programs (state-administered), can pay you to caregive, fund respite, cover home care, and more. See Medicaid pay programs.
2. State paid family leave, wage replacement while you take time off work. See state paid family leave.
3. VA caregiver programs (if your loved one is a veteran), stipends, training, respite. See VA programs.
4. Tax credits and deductions, money back at tax time for caregiver-related expenses. See tax credits.

The 30-minute starting checklist

If you have half an hour, this is what gives you the highest information return:

• Call the Eldercare Locator: 1-800-677-1116. Free federal service. They connect you to your local Area Agency on Aging, which is the single best resource most caregivers don't know exists.
• Check Benefits.gov. An eligibility screener for federal programs across all categories.
• If your loved one is a veteran, call the VA Caregiver Support Line: 1-855-260-3274. Free, with caregiver-specialist staff.
• Search "[your state] family caregiver" + the agency name. Every state has a different lead agency for caregiver programs. Find yours.

Don't rule yourself out before you ask

Three things we hear constantly from caregivers who later qualified for substantial help:

• "I assumed our income was too high." Many programs aren't income-based, or use the patient's income, not the caregiver's.
• "I didn't think we'd qualify because we own our home." Most Medicaid long-term care programs exempt the primary residence.
• "I figured if we qualified, someone would have told us." They very rarely will. You have to ask.

Working through any of this is doing for the person you love what the system should have done by default. None of it is small.