Get the essential documents in order

Before any document gets signed, the person you care for needs to decide who they trust to make decisions if they can’t. This is the foundation everything else is built on.

Have a gentle conversation: "If you ever couldn’t speak for yourself, who would you want making medical and financial decisions for you?" It can be the same person for both, or different people.

This document names the person who can make medical decisions if your loved one can’t. Without it, doctors may default to a legal hierarchy that doesn’t match their wishes, or require a court process.

• Each state has its own form, search "[your state] healthcare power of attorney form"
• Usually needs to be signed, witnessed, and sometimes notarized
• The named person should agree in advance and have a copy

This records your loved one’s wishes about care itself, life support, resuscitation, comfort-focused care, what they’d want and wouldn’t want near the end.

• Often combined with the healthcare power of attorney on one state form
• Give copies to the doctor, the proxy, and keep one with your documents
• Revisit it if their health situation changes significantly

This names who can handle money matters, paying bills, managing accounts, dealing with benefits and insurance, if your loved one becomes unable to. "Durable" means it stays in effect even after they lose capacity, which is exactly when it’s needed.

• Separate from the healthcare power of attorney
• Banks sometimes have their own forms too, ask each institution
• Must be signed while the person still has mental capacity

This small but crucial form lets named people receive medical information from providers. Without it, even a spouse or adult child can be told "I can’t share that" by a doctor’s office.

• Often a one-page form available from each provider
• Name everyone who should be able to call and get updates

A will directs who inherits what. Without one, state law decides, which may not match anyone’s wishes. A trust is a more involved tool that can avoid probate and is worth asking an attorney about if there’s real estate or significant assets.

• Simple wills can be done with reputable online tools or free official state forms, fine for a clear will and simple estate
• Complex situations need an attorney: significant assets, blended families, real estate, business ownership, Medicaid planning, or any family conflict around inheritance
• An elder-law attorney is worth the consult for any of those, many offer free initial consultations

Once the legal documents exist, collect the supporting papers somewhere safe and known to the family, sometimes called a "death binder" or simply "the folder."

• Birth/marriage certificates, Social Security card, ID, passport, military discharge (DD-214, critical for VA benefits)
• Insurance policies (health, life, long-term care, home, auto), bank and retirement account info
• Property deeds, vehicle titles, recent tax returns (5 years if possible)
• Medical records: current medication list, diagnoses, the full list of doctors with phone numbers, insurance cards, recent discharge summaries, and allergies
• A list of accounts and passwords (handwritten and sealed is fine), emergency contacts, funeral or religious wishes, and pet-care instructions if relevant
• The legal documents above

Where to keep it all: originals in a fireproof home safe (safe deposit boxes can be hard to access right at death); scanned copies in a secure cloud folder shared with the proxy, POA, and executor; and a copy of the healthcare POA on your phone for ER visits.

A perfect set of documents helps no one if nobody can find them in a crisis. The final step is the simplest and most-skipped: tell the key people where the folder is and who holds which role.

• Make sure the named proxy and financial POA know they’ve been named
• Tell at least one trusted person where the documents are kept
• Consider giving copies of the healthcare directive to the doctor now, before it’s urgent

One caution: forms must be signed and witnessed (or notarized) per your state’s specific rules. An invalid form is worse than no form at all, verify your state’s exact requirements before relying on any document.